HOLY BALLS. This is our first (and hopefully last) giveaway of the Summer. I want to reach 50,000 followers by yesterday and to do that I need some serious reader promotion. Think of this as a pimp and ho situation. I am the pimp and you all could be my well compensated and respectfully treated ho’s. Please Facebook share, tweet, instagram, body paint, graffiti, tattoo your ass with this site and you will be entered to win the super sexy Haute Mess Life gift basket which is pretty fucking great if you ask me. Use the hashtag #hautemesslife or #hautemesslife.com and I will do a live drawing to see who wins the following goodies.
HAUTE MESS LIFE GIFT BASKET
- My favorite F21 $9.99 jeans is YOUR SIZE (Haute Mess Obsessions)
(or if you are a Haute Mess Man I will send a semi nude photo of one of my hot friends!)
- Bottle of Ketel One (Haute Mess Happy Hour)
- Jar of Garlic Stuffed Olive Juice
- Clinique Lipgloss in Black Honey (Haute Mess Beauty)
(or if you are a Haute Mess Man I will send a top of the line chapstick)
- Mereadesso Body Balm (my new favorite body lotion – this has saved my skin)
- 1 Slim Jim
- Season 1 DVD of Sex and The City (it’s used… I have 2 copies. YOU’RE WELCOME!)
Can someone say GIFT BASKET BONER?!? Now go share, share, share and you can soon be a certified Haute Mess. Remember you can follow blog via email by entering your email address and then click follow on the column to the right ———-> (one chromosome away). You can ALSO like Haute Mess Life on FACEBOOK by clicking the icon also located to the right. Duh. How can anybody not like a Slim Jim? Uhhhhhhhmazing.
The time has finally come to discuss that tragedy that is Amanda Bynes. I keep hoping this is just some genius joke she is pulling on the public and is using this all for an amazing documentary she is producing (a la Joaquin Phoenix)and soon enough she will be accepting her Academy Award flipping her non synthetic shiny hair and making us all feel so stupid for believing she could ever be THAT cray cray… A girl can dream right? I know everyone grew up loving Amanda Bynes, but I seriously LOVED her. I wanted to be best friends with her. In her day, I feel like we totally could have hit it off. I feared now our lifestyles may have caused us to drift apart … Until I saw this video.
We may not be able to hang socially but we could DEFINITELY be work-out partners. Just 2 blonde gal pals hitting the gym. When a friend first sent me this I literally thought it was me (minus the wig, most of my hair is real). Way to amp up your cardio sesh by incorporating upper body movement! Get it Mandy.
Also, because I am a very mature and ambitious young woman, my new week’s mission is to get a retweet from Manders. I figured I would stay on trend and tweet her a photo of us…
@JackieSchimmel … home girl needs more followers.
Let me set the scene, I’m home alone on a Friday night. I hop on Facebook. I now embark on a tagged photo montage of myself (does no one else do this?) now onto my 600th picture, I see a pic of me and an old friend from high school. I wonder what they are doing with their lives and remember some of the fun times we had.I type their name in your search bar… Then the bomb drops. I have been de-friended.
Listen, I get spring cleaning like giving the axe to creepy Armenian guys you met in Westwood or people who send fucking Farmville invites (you know who you are…stop it) But shunning me of stalking privileges is just rude. This is America.
Did I offend them? Am I fat? Do they hate Jewish people? Am I delusional? What HAPPENED?
The first time this happened to me (only 3 defriends that I know of #bitter) I decided to distract myself by going out with my best (and facebook official) friends. The entire night I kept thinking about how pissed I was. I asked the bathroom attendant, bar tender, waiter, valet guy all what they thought it meant and decided it was my civil duty to figure this shit out on my own…
The following private message is something I sent 8 months ago at 2:30am. For the record, I deeply regret this. #lowpoint
SUPER casual, at least I seem polite. Aide=Cause
Serious single white female shit right there. I did some self-reflecting and realized what a dumbass I was being. I deserved de-friendship.
I never got a response back but did get a super sincere re-friend request the next morning. I’m sure along with the friend request she had a pending restraining order. I declined the request. Baby doesn’t like pity invites #passiveagressive
Haute Mess Lesson : Don’t make someone defend their de-friend. It make’s you look like a HUGE asshole. I hope said person see’s this post and forgives my indiscretion.
**My cousin Jessica sent me this after reading this post, confirms my lesson. Don’t ask someone to defend their de-friend. You may not get response you were looking for.